Sincerely, Onlooker.

Well now you're quiet an attractive lad,

But oh! Oh no!  Yikes! Egad!

When the sir turned around all I could see

Were loads upon loads of back acne.

Hide the children and shield your eyes,

Spare them the asthma inducing surprise.

Overall, I do asses,

You are quite the melancholy mess.

So if you might, and I hope you will,

Please buy a sweater and make your backside nil.

A Rewrite of a Previous Piece to fall in line with The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

Casual banality will no longer keep me at ease

I yearn to inhale once more

Laugh

Be laughed with

Smile

Explore

Leap

And land.

Invisible chains will shatter with an earsplitting yap

As I swoop over the cliffs to claim my inheritance.

I soar above horizons zenith

And claim the portion that’s been idly awaiting my release

And when the alien satiation will overtake me

I beam and unclench.

Fulfillment.

Cloning Beautiful People Makes the World a Better Place.

So college has proved a refreshing breather from the intense anguish high school seems to inject into one my life but college has several additional perks. My most favored as of now being the celebrity look alikes ive managed to spot.

-Theres a Lenardo Decaprio in Architectural Design
- Seth Green's conveniently situated across from my seat in Calc
- A Harry Potter inhabits the adjoining dorm
- My best friend in Stony as of now is an exact replica of Milla Jovovich.


College may not be a walk in the park but its pretty close to a walk on Sunset.

Life as a College Renegade.

Ryan : They just sent a security guard to look for my microwave...


Jane: Did they find it?


Ryan : No he moved a box to try and trace the wire but there were too many. I got woken up by a microwave cop :/.


Jane: That's life as an undergraduate rebel Ryan.

A Day In The Life of Naje*.

............I am working diligently on my Economics homework. It's late and I've been smitten with sickness that I've been fending off arm and limb for the previous 24 hours. At a painstaking sloth like pace i make my way onto the fourth problem. I mentally pinch my conscience in attempt to prevent myself from toppling over from my swivel arm chair head first onto the carpet, which for other than the filth it's covered in, is an attractive alternative for my bed that taunts me across the room. But enough is enough, midnight is dawning and I have a 6 o'clock wake up call so I force my mind's roaming to revert back to the oversized textbook cutting of my hamstring circulation. Reading the question at hand, it says "How do unicorns affect the natural rate of unemployment?". So now I have to consider whether Pepto Bismol is a hallucinogenic because I sincerely doubt that the author of my textbook has taken such a creative approach to explaining economics principals. I do, however, momentarily consider the possibility that if employed, this superior species of equine that is, frictional employment would increase as the entrance of more efficient workers in perhaps the mining industry or in freelance gardening would push out our own homo sapiens. Dumping those raucous jumping beans of thought I refocused my attention and fought against the weighty pull of gravity on my eyelids to once again find the beginning of the sentence and attempt to regain my sanity. My perseverance payed off in the end when I discovered the cryptic scenario at hand. The word "unions" and "unicorns" have far too many letters in common.

.............Hello dyslexia. My name is naje.

Me and You. Just us Two.

You explore

You probe the boundaries of existence

You dig deep into reality and time.

I question

Every now and then I dispute

I wonder what it's like to be brilliant

Your mind is a convoluted maze of intricately crafted gears,

All fitting into one another with infallible accuracy as they turn in a continual rhythm.

Meanwhile your ponderings take hold of your conscience

Theories materialize like levitating pods without foundation

But as you jabber by logic constructs grounds

Coherence that is all but logical.

I'm relieved its illogic you seep.

It is all i can decipher

And despite your brand of insanity not being lock and key with my own

It seems as though desolation calls for a familiar.

Accept what sanity evades me.

You know that variant wavelengths are inaudible

And silent life is pitiful existence
So just give in.

We are the same crescent and the same trough.

Hunk'o Chunk 'o Green.

After a grueling two hour chauffeured drive from Stony Brook back to good ole Brooklyn, I resolved my next political undertaking. Inching our way down Nichols road I decided that another lane ought to be added to the LI expressway and the entire highway network as a whole. For those environmentally conscious, a green lane should be gratefully offered. Even increasingly conservative, this path need not even to be built ! It happens to be situated comfortably adjacent to the existing roads.

Ouija ! That center patch of green; that overlooked hunk'o grass is just uselessly wasting away. So simple you're kicking yourself right now for by thinking of it first huh? It's alright don't harsh the mellow, underachievers just make success that much sweeter.

Human Relations, Meet College.

"Hey pass the grinder."
"No. Get it yourself."
"Yo, I fucking hate you. You're right there."

....When the sole fabric of friendship rests upon whether your roommate will pass you the weed grinder it may be time to reevaluate the basis on which you build rapport.

....During simpler times people expected you to grow as a person in college as oppose to digress. Kumquats.

Nothing's Missing.

The casual banality will no longer keep me at ease

I yearn to laugh once more

run

be chased

smile

wonder

leap

and be caught.

Throw me up

and still time for a quarter of a seconds tick

for a gasp of breath.

Watch as my pupils momentarily bloat

as I pause on horizons zenith

and catch me with a single intrepid swoop

Engluf me in what I know rages deep

take me

all of me.

Abolutely Alice.

............Dear readers of The Argyle Registry,

I must sincerely apologize for my lengthy disappearance, however it was quite unexpected and unintentionally elongated. It was inconsiderate for me to have vanished without a trace or an explanation, I regrettably admit, but what is done is done and it is with uplifting grace that I reenter my cerebral home away from home to resume my creative expression.

.
.

I've believe up to 6 impossible things before breakfast she said and by this adage I live to the final of my days.

Waxy.

I'm gross, I had to use four ear thingies to clean my ears before prom.

Ear sticks....?

Ear pokes... ?

P-tips... ?

T-tips... ?

Q-Tips!

Why in the world are they called Q-tips?

Lucky Number.

-21-
My Jersey Number
Legal Drinking Age
The number of months I've been the happiest woman on either hemisphere.

PARENTAL DIGEST; Teenage Epidemic

1. Diagnosis: CHRONIC BITCH [kron-ik bich]

> A hormonal imbalance often resulting from excessive childhood mollycoddle, followed by extensive appeasement into teenage years, causing individual to develop psychological inflationary sense of self importance.

> Disease characterized by wild mood swings, nipple piercings and an expansive repertoire of STD's.

>Treatment: You are in most likeliness a sub-satisfactory parent and have caused irreparable damage to your child, there are currently no treatments offered, however, two out of three professionals propose a whoop-ass every now and then to counter disorder symptoms.

2. Diagnosis: OOD [oh- oh-dee] Obsessive Obsessive Disorder, often referenced to as Compulsive Compulsive Disorder. A more progressive form of OCD in which compulsion is triggered by the use of repetitive and synonymous language.

> Disorder characterized most often by flailing of the arms, incongruous shouting and fits of uncontrolled violence; however symptoms vary largely between individuals.

> Proposed Treatment: Increase in the study of the Thesaurus as a preventative action to avoid the onset of such volatile behavior.

3. Diagnosis: SILLIBANDICOCCUS [sil-ee-ban-dick-o-cus]

>Disorder characterized by crazed need to obtain colorful rubber bracelets in various distorted shapes; i.e. two-assed kangaroos, amoebas and Pillsbury Doughboy also hypothesized to represent fowl from the Spheniscidae family[species, penguin].

>Treatment: A morphine injection administered during flareups should do the trick.

>Alternate treatment: COLLECT THEM ALL!

In Response To Upcoming AP Exams

C retinous

A sses

L icensing in

C reating

U ndoubtetly

L oudmouth

U nlikable

S chnooks

Dear Dumbass.

The most revolting unveils its self sporadically and often when least expected. I never imagined I would meet someone like I did, up here in New York City. Moving this set of encounter into hicks ville southern town with a name that induces an immediate sense of bodily impurity just from the white trash sound of the name. I figured people this bigoted were repelled by city limits, like two positive ends of a magnet.

This brazenly acrimonious acquaintance is my driving instructor: A 55 or so yr old, Russian bigot who comments on every black, Mexican, Jewish, fat, small, young, old, and ethnically ambiguous person that happens pop into his field of vision or impede on his or my driving.

He's single handedly ousted my appetite for driving and displayed an astonishing example of deplorably pigheaded ardor.

NEWS FLASH in case you didn't already know,

You completely suck.

Melodic As We Are.

Sychronized,

My chest falls as his rises,

As if he is breathing in my exhalation.

;

Our bodies complement one anothers',

to create a fluid sinusodial wave.

l

Sleep soaks us in its dreamy broth,

and the rythmic oscillations slow.

k

It's just before restful oblivion grasps me entirely,

that I silently whisper I love you,

because never have I been so complete.

"I used to think boys were stupid until Sophomore Summer. I still think they're stupid, I've just learned to cope."


y,,,I forget to mention sometimes, however, that since then I've also learned to love.

Sleepy Soliloquy.

x
Spindles of silly string,

Layered in their meticulously engineered design tether me to the ground.


The ornate handiwork of a Black Widow's web,

Adheres to me with lethargic but forceful stamina.


It is a python constricting me with a force of 4000 kilograms.


But i am not menaced,

In silence I maintain my placidity.


All together in a mash of creme and beige,

I am intertwined in an endless bowl of spaghetti Alfredo.


I giggle a child's giggle.


The Boogie monster is still my worst nightmare,

And I am solaced into my first restful slumber.

Crazy Nights.

For those everlastingly entranced by the glamor and allure of Broadway, i am a fellow admirer. I've always found the grade A productions performed in this the world renown theater to be ones of incomparable grandeur.

What you're probably are unaware of, is that Broadway started off as a cult, in about 600 BC, lasting about 400 years thereafter. Annually, the cult would gather and perform rituals to gratify their God in the form of extravagant feasts and unrestrained copulation. Its purpose in creation was to praise Dionysus, the God of Wine, celebrating his him through unrestrained and impious behavior. (Whimsically thinking, knowing just this, one can infer of the etymology of "Broadway", however its name has little to do with its origin, and is rather a description of its physical range.)

So in conclusion: All the food and wine one could consume intermitted only by wild orgies, is the primeval of what we know today as the famous BROADWAY.

>Compliments of my surprisingly knowledgeable English teacher.

Post Script - For those who watch True Blood, I hope you've made the connection.
......

Vienna on Domestic Pets and Other Foreign Fun Facts.

>"There are many dog parks in Vienna.

Men don't want to go to the doctor and so they die early on.

Women, instead of remarrying, get a dog."

.............................................................-Austrian Native



>Back in the 18th century, washing was thought to attract fleas. To prevent these buggers, in addition to bathing only several times in one's lifetime, women wore boxes under their dresses, that housed a mixture of blood and glue, in order to attract and trap fleas.



>Gargoyles, carved, stone figures with a spout designed to convey water from a roof and away from the side of a building, were named such because when it rains, the sound these statues emit resemble a gargle.



> The famous stance taken in numerous paintings during the Renaissance, in which the subject stood proudly with his arm in an "L" with a hand on the stomach was adopted from Napoleon. Unknown to most, however, Napoleon's aristocratic carriage was simply a comfortable position taken to palliate his stomach ulcer.

Aged Humor For April 22nd.

I like to celebrate Earth Day by gloating that I'm not under it yet.

Ma

.................."Life's like a zebra... It shall pass."


......Despite everything that tears us apart, I love you more than I can bear to admit.

Why Can't I Be The Drunken Mess.

So today, coming back from my driving lesson, I felt really energized and decided that with the ephemerally marvelous weather I would be wasting away at home. So off to prospect park on a biking trek, I resolved. I shimmied quickly into my sweats and grabbed my ipod, next proceeding to tape a water bottle to the longest panel of my bike because the water fountains at the park don't work yet and my bike lacks a incredibly useful water bottle compartment that you would assume a mountain bike would be equipped with.

There's a pesky cable lock that's always grazing against my inner thigh that I've been meaning to take off my bike that requires a key to unlock it; a key I didn't have.

So I asked my mom, who was currently in the bathroom, if she could give it to me when she got out. Twenty seconds later the door opens and I lay eyes on my disheveled mother in her confused glory as she totters out with her zipper and the button of her jeans undone.

Now, this isn't unusual for a woman of her unrefined nature, however, when i asked again if she knew where the key was and her response came as " I know where a lot of things are," followed by a messy stagger into the hallway, i felt the earth slowly tilting off its anchored axis.

She handed me the keys and sloppily made her way towards some other end of the house. I told her she should take a nap to which she replied " There are a lot of things I should do."

I thought I was the 18 year old.

Characters Welcome.

Open Auditions for the position of "Oompa Loompa Calculus Worker Monkey" are being held at 34 Mulberry St Brooklyn, New York, May 7th, 2010 at 3:00 pm.

REQUIREMENTS:

> Received an "A" in a college level calculus course
> Height maximum of 4 feet 10 inches
> Not allergic to avocados, due to payment method which comes in the form of guacamole (three jugs a day) , seasoned by worker's spice preference.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

> Clipping toenails
> Spoon feeding
> Calculus involved subject matter

(NOTE: All should be managed simultaneously.)


Final Notice : Uniform consists of paisley jumpsuit and complementary tennis shoes in varying colors dependent on daily cloud cover. Unsightly bulges will not be tolerated.

Vroom Vroom.

>A driving instructor that makes a crack at every Orthodox Jew who happens to come into view is probably not the right driver for you if your family (full or partial) are religious Jews, and are indirectly being critized for having too many offspring.

>Unless fluent in 2nd language, refrain from taking courses that instruct you on how to go about operating heavy machinery in said language.

Most Important Tip For Taking The Driver's Exam:

DO NOT under any circumstances hit on the driving instructor. This will result in automatic failing of the driving test before you've even gotten behind the wheel.

Why I Should Go To New Paltz.

>On the offhand chance that i become a lesbian in the next 4 months, there is a Hooters conveniently located at the halfway mark between my house and New Paltz, New York.

> Located in between Brooklyn and New Paltz is the only IHOP I've ever seen.

>Biker gangs run rampant along the I-87; assless, leather chaps and all.

> The largest Borders and Barnes and Nobles I've ever laid eyes on are scattered along my route upstate = holiday shopping made easy.

> On the way back to Brooklyn I'll pick Liz up a cheeseburger from her favorite garbage gourmet eatery: Burger King.

> The school colors are Atlantic, muggy blue and blazing orange so if college takes a turn for the worst and I'm incarcerated, I'll be more prepared to deal with the problem of accessorizing while resembling a radioactive mandarin.

Beautiful Confusion.

Flames lick my innards,
As my thoughts explore and ravage every crevice of your being.

Only heart palpitations interrupt my cemented concentration.

The pulsations diffuse into feral territory,
Crude, like the turbulent Atlantic storm,
Yet soft like the underside of an algae coated lily pad.

I am lost in a ritual,
A dance I cannot apprehend,
Despite it's continuous and rhythmic movement.

Winds howl and all perception vanishes,
An explosion of light penetrates.

I see birds.

Several I recognize with ease,
A multitude of others are foreign to me.

They circle round sporadically adorned with a full spectrum of color,
I endear the little I can discern of the marvels.

A cool spray of sea mist rips me from my euphoric daze,
The flock scatters.

I stand solitary in unprocessed wonder,
Dumbfounded as I am there's no time to fathom.

They are back again,
Even more vivid and lively.

Unable to discern,
I'm left to lavish in sight.

Soon.

I'm floating above a sea of cloud,
I am oblivious,
The roaring winds are in my mind a meager breeze,
Loneliness overcomes all else.

The moon shines at it's zenith,
Stars dance around it jubilantly,
They attend to one another,
They are of but the same earth,
They taunt me.

I long for that which is one with me,
He is hundreds of horizons away,
And I am moving farther.

But the world is round,
We will meet again.

I look to the moon until then,
For if he's looking too,
We are bonded by thought.

A Sigh of Disspointment Upon the Advertising Industry.

In advertising the absorption of their new Charmin Extra Absorbent Toilet Paper, the producers of the commercial set up a scene with a mama and baby bear in a boat, fishing.

They aren't very successful.

The baby bear suddenly gets a genius idea to drop a single sheet of Charmin onto the lake. Almost instantly all the water is absorbed into the sheet of paper and the remnants of the lake's contents are left wiggling at the bottom of the dry pit; fish, plant life ,etc.

Congratulations hygienic-care products, you're teaching the youth of our nation to kill the environment with one sheet when compared to two of a leading value brand.

Those Troublesome Whales; in no relation to the recent outbreaks.

.
.
For those who's solitary hunger is to become a zoo curator and eventually sell the fruit of your life's labors:


"It's a joke in the zoo business, a weary joke, that the paperwork involved in trading a shrew weighs more than an elephant, that the paperwork involved in trading an elephant weighs more than a whale, and that you must never try to trade a whale, never."

...................................................................................................................................vvvv........................................Life of Pi

Clearly Qualified.

"Usually in literature, the protagonist either resolves the conflict, or not."

- Insight from a NY high school English Lit teacher.

Triwizards Tournament

I am watching The Goblet of Fire for the 7th time in the last year. It is Harry Potter weekend on abc family and I'm having a predictably difficult time ignoring the allures Harry sets before me.

It is the scene where Harry is "up to bat" in the first challenge. He is paired with a Hungarian Horn Tail Dragon and must retrieve the golden egg in the center of the fairground while simultaneously eluding its fiery grasp. Harry is doing a pitiful job and is completely oblivious to the fact that he is a wizard, for goodness sakes, until Hermione yells it out a him.

After getting that dimwitted look of "Eureka!" on his face, Harry calls "Acchio Firebolt" and moments later his broom comes zooming in his direction.

Harry proceeds to fly around the stadium and is just feet away from the egg when the dragon blocks his path with a pillar of fire. Harry quickly dodges the blaze and up, up, and away he goes over the stadium boundary. The Horn Tail bolts right up after him with incredibly velocity and snaps the chain that contains it in the field.

Here is the instance that puzzles me and is the purpose of this possibly fruitless rant. I can't seem to justify to myself why any of the teachers at this point did not intercede in the occurring events.I imagine the thoughts of Dumbledore at this moment were as follows:

" Wow that's one nasty dragon."

*Ponders for a moment*

"Am i glad that I'm not entered in this tournament. That's one bloody animal i wouldn't want to meddle with."

*Scratches his beard thoughtfully.*

"Hmm maybe someone should wrangle that dragon before he kills the only person in the world who can defeat Voldemort."

*Pause*

"Oh look at that, the sky's getting muddy. It'll rain soon, I better poof myself up an umbrella hat"




Poor Harry, good thing he is a resourceful young lad.

When forever meant forever,
And whenever meant whenever,
Both of us knew we’d live up to this promise.


But now forever is different,
Remolded, transformed.


How can forever change?
Is not forever, forever?
And whenever, whenever?


How can the everlasting become lasting,
And how can infinity lose its value.


The clock ticks,
It tocks,
It chimes and somehow,
By some mystical power,
Forever seeps like tie-dye into a vat of molding clay,
Like melted crayons,
Only to harden and become an unrecognizable mass.


To redo what’s been done to forever is now unthinkable.
It is impossible and unattainable to return to the whenever you had moments ago.


Because moments were not moments but only seem so to the hazy eye.
Moments were more like days and months and years,
Years of haze and fog scattered by periodic sunlight,
Subsequently swept away by violent monsoon winds.


Moments have become irreparable,
They’ve always been irreparable.


Forever is not the forever you’ve once known,
And whenever is now something unfamiliar.


These terms are unknown,
Spoken as from a dialect never introduced to your young ears,
The implications that are imposed are not those you have made,
These words have no correlation to you.


They are apart,
And you are apart,
And you two depart because business between each other there is not.


Goodbye alien words,
With meanings that to decipher without knowledge of in the first place is clearly unfeasible,
Farewell hooded figures,
A sense of deja vu resides only for an instant until the mist envelopes your silhouette.

Love's Consequence.

The vibrant blooom,
The sky above,
Is all you note when you're in love.

But when you miss the gaping crack,
You'll bump your head and break your back,

And then it's all hell that's loose,
Because your walking like a goose,

And all that's heard is cackling laughter,
Always trailing seconds after.



Now what follows is even worse,
Cause makeup homework is just a curse,

So essentially, what you've really done,
Is made a mess that's just begun,

For you see, after all of this has passed,
You must still endure the itchy cast.



So after many months in your idle state,
You'll think "I'm ready for a romantic date",

So you'll pick out a cute ensemble,
and excitement through your body will rumble.



But sure enough a bother will arise,
More formidable than you may surmise,

Because if you haven't looked in the mirror just yet,
You won't realize your now the lumpiest girl you've ever met,

And when your long awaited Date's here,
He'll look you up, down and around and sneer,

And you realize you've left your dress hiked up in the back,
Moreover you resemble an irregular burlap sack.



You'll blush and you'll giggle in attempt to hide the shame,
but wow wasn't that incredibly lame,

So all in all it's been a miserable time,
By female-law it would be considered a crime.

You're sick and your tired of all this rubbish
And I'm so annoyed myself i can't think of a good rhymebbish.



In conclusion here's what i say,
I wish this lesson will not cause you dismay.

With final words i wish you luck,
Please don't be like me, don't be a shmuck.

Childhood complications.

" You owe me 60 cents!"

*Older sister looks back and grins*

"Dad, she owes me 60 cents i swear. Give me my 60 cents"

*Sister keeps walking*

"You better give me my 60 cents"



Poor little kiddo, hang in there, we've all been through it.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Lucky Charms have, for years, been my prime choice of morning nutrition. However they inflicted doubts in my mind in my greatest time of need.

Everyone has heard me vent endlessly on the subject of my AP Calculus AB class, well today it was taken to a new level of confusion and emotional pain. Luckily, or rather what I initially figured, was that the Lucky Charms I was smart enough to bring in a little zip lock baggie, would keep me mentally stable.

Life is disappointing. Especially when you reliance lies in a breakfast cereal.

I began by ridDing the mix of the frosted oats, because although satisfying, the marshmallows are the George Clooney of the ingredients and that's why I always leave them for last. I ate voraciously until one of each charm remained :a purple horseshoe, a red balloon, a blue half-moon, an orange and white shooting star, a yellow and orange pot of gold, a polychromatic rainbow, a two-tone green leprechaun hat, and a yellow and orange hourglass.

I reminisced of my childhood momentarily, recalling the adventures that ruled my imaginations and the explorations that occupied my time. Things were more feral back then; actions were not guided by stress and the flawed American school system but rather curiosity for enterprise. I suddenly grabbed the hourglass from the perfectly aligned lineup.

I squeezed the charm in my hand with closed eyes and with a hopeful mind, mumbled nonsensical rhymes that i imagined would befit a leprechaun. I adjured to be fast-forwarded through the next hour of calculus in a matter of seconds.

As you've probably already guessed, it didn't work.

Mildly disheartened but not completely forlorn, I put my previous lack of success from my thoughts and proceeded to grab the balloon charm. I repeated the prior procedure but to no avail; the marshmallow did not expand to the size of a hot-air balloon nor did i take flight and allow me to escape the satanic classroom that i was locked into by my guidance counselor unyielding pigheadedness.

The subsequent 5 seconds were passed by the gobbling up of the remaining marshmallows. All hope was lost for me. I sympathized with Victor Frankenstein after the death of his dear Clerval; I had lost a naiveté that was crucial to my happiness.

Dear Lucky Charms, you hold no elusive, mystical power, however you are still without question and even after debate magically delicious.

An Ode.

I'd like to run away,
To no place at all.
With no special sights,
With no place to go.

With nothing to do,
Just endless grass paths,
And breezy birch air,
With a broad river pass.

I desire no luxury,
No dresses,
No wealth,
No gourmet feast,
Not endless health.

What I yearn for most,
For some, is wholly mundane,
For others absurd,
For most is insane.

A simple three words,
Uttered under the rain,
From his lone voice,
Without a hint of refrain.

Jane Karetny

Cootie Queen. Lint Licker. PICLKED COMQUAT!

>I asked Melissa whether girls or boys have cooties and she said BOYS CAUSE THEY'RE GROSS!

.....>Well that's cause Melissa's a dumb girl.

>Nuhu! I was right. You DO have cooties!

.....>I didn't hear you cause i can't hear people with cooties.

>Then how did you answer?

.....>I can see your cootie mouth moving.

Likely grounds for my constant ailment.

> The Calculus Gods have had enough of my back-sass and will continure to smite me on every test day for the rest of the semester.

> My body has the resilience of an 60 yr old cancer patient.

> My mother has been feeding me anthrax in small dosages because she wants me to feel helpless without her and stay home for college.

>There's a swarm of microscopic Nazi gremlins living in my body.

The View From My Lonely Seat

In the midst of my two band, 110 minutes of agonizing, brain cramping Calculus class my attention drifts from the board and i begin to scan the room for something a little more enticing than the process used to find the antiderivative of natural logarithms. My analysis of the individuals in my classroom is an amiable distraction.

Melissa has attached a ripped rubberband to the end of her lead pencil and is whipping it around. I imagine she is fantasizing that she is Indiana Jones in his earlier flicks, the ones that didn't make you cringe in disappointment.

Joe, who somehow maintains a decent grasp of the nonsensical material that is taught in this insufferable class, sings unknown lyrics that i assume are by Carrie Underwood. I derive this because he's been counting down her birthday for months now and is constantly raving about her. For a straight kid he's far too fascinated with Carrie, i decide; the one firm conclusion I am willing to set in stone in this class.

Dinora, possibly the next instructor of such a miserable bunch of students, is practicing the English language with the help of her crackers. She turns around to show me the output of her studious efforts; her crackers spell out "COWS MOO". I giggle because Click, Clack, Moo, Cows That Type is a classic read in my opinion and i look at her with a little more reverence.

My interest is reinvigorated substantially in the ongoing lesson as i hear Doug utter "Is this a leap year?" shortly after the teacher orders upon us a problem concerning compounding monthly interest. Laughter ensues for about 3 seconds after and the room is again morbidly austere.

I refocus my attention to the topic at hand. I can't make out exactly what we're learning but there are several formulas on the board with an unconstitutional amount of variables in each. Cognition again eludes me so i revert to my earlier inattentiveness. I'm doodling around the notes that I've copied from the board and its all a creative conglomerate of X's and limit symbols and squiggles that the teacher calls "integrals". I choose to make use of the materials made readily available to me and construct an axiom that is as follows:

....lim ......calculus = destruction of my cerebral cortex
Jane->∞

Thus i have concluded that my efforts would be far more effective if put into another line of study, such as observing the absurdity of high school subjects and the maniacal teachers who teach them, analyzing the interesting but tangential actions that others take when imminent failure has been recognized, or a simple third line of work: Mailman because never again would i have to look at numbers more complex than a 5 digit postal code.

Jiggles, Wiggles and Squiggles.

Earlobes,
Why do you jiggle,

Under oversized pearls,
You constantly wiggle.

And as soon as the jiggling comes to an end,
She turns her head and it all starts again.

Your limp elasticity makes me squirm,
And it's awfully rude I'd like to affirm,

Because no one and nobody and not anyone cares,
To see those wiggly jiggly earlobes amid daily affairs.

So now that you know how uncouth you have been,
And I've made my point briefly therein,

I'd like to thank you dearly for this at least,
My tolerance of jiggling, wiggling body parts has largely increased.

Wisdom brought on by Public Transportation

Sitting on the bus with a dysfunctional ipod resting in my lap on the way home from school, I'm in a rut because my minds melting of boredom. My mind skips between several thoughts, the excessively buttery salmon I had for lunch, the acne bespeckled kid from math class who's finally introduced himself, and whether it's really necessary that I shower tonight. My thought process halts at the random remembrance of a certain individual several inches taller than me. I start to long for the height that eludes me and stare out the window admiring the stature of those passing by.

" She's tall" I think, observing a tall, clearly European woman in her thirties walking along side the treading bus. "She's taller" I decide a second later as my gaze lands on a statuesque woman in heels. I spot my third victim. She is an aged Russian woman, like those you typically think of when you hear the word "babushka". My analysis of her appearance is curtly cut short by a mental pause whereafter I resolve," her hair's tall" and smirk.

Well, journal, it's been a lesson well learned.