A Sigh of Disspointment Upon the Advertising Industry.

In advertising the absorption of their new Charmin Extra Absorbent Toilet Paper, the producers of the commercial set up a scene with a mama and baby bear in a boat, fishing.

They aren't very successful.

The baby bear suddenly gets a genius idea to drop a single sheet of Charmin onto the lake. Almost instantly all the water is absorbed into the sheet of paper and the remnants of the lake's contents are left wiggling at the bottom of the dry pit; fish, plant life ,etc.

Congratulations hygienic-care products, you're teaching the youth of our nation to kill the environment with one sheet when compared to two of a leading value brand.

Those Troublesome Whales; in no relation to the recent outbreaks.

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For those who's solitary hunger is to become a zoo curator and eventually sell the fruit of your life's labors:


"It's a joke in the zoo business, a weary joke, that the paperwork involved in trading a shrew weighs more than an elephant, that the paperwork involved in trading an elephant weighs more than a whale, and that you must never try to trade a whale, never."

...................................................................................................................................vvvv........................................Life of Pi

Clearly Qualified.

"Usually in literature, the protagonist either resolves the conflict, or not."

- Insight from a NY high school English Lit teacher.

Triwizards Tournament

I am watching The Goblet of Fire for the 7th time in the last year. It is Harry Potter weekend on abc family and I'm having a predictably difficult time ignoring the allures Harry sets before me.

It is the scene where Harry is "up to bat" in the first challenge. He is paired with a Hungarian Horn Tail Dragon and must retrieve the golden egg in the center of the fairground while simultaneously eluding its fiery grasp. Harry is doing a pitiful job and is completely oblivious to the fact that he is a wizard, for goodness sakes, until Hermione yells it out a him.

After getting that dimwitted look of "Eureka!" on his face, Harry calls "Acchio Firebolt" and moments later his broom comes zooming in his direction.

Harry proceeds to fly around the stadium and is just feet away from the egg when the dragon blocks his path with a pillar of fire. Harry quickly dodges the blaze and up, up, and away he goes over the stadium boundary. The Horn Tail bolts right up after him with incredibly velocity and snaps the chain that contains it in the field.

Here is the instance that puzzles me and is the purpose of this possibly fruitless rant. I can't seem to justify to myself why any of the teachers at this point did not intercede in the occurring events.I imagine the thoughts of Dumbledore at this moment were as follows:

" Wow that's one nasty dragon."

*Ponders for a moment*

"Am i glad that I'm not entered in this tournament. That's one bloody animal i wouldn't want to meddle with."

*Scratches his beard thoughtfully.*

"Hmm maybe someone should wrangle that dragon before he kills the only person in the world who can defeat Voldemort."

*Pause*

"Oh look at that, the sky's getting muddy. It'll rain soon, I better poof myself up an umbrella hat"




Poor Harry, good thing he is a resourceful young lad.

When forever meant forever,
And whenever meant whenever,
Both of us knew we’d live up to this promise.


But now forever is different,
Remolded, transformed.


How can forever change?
Is not forever, forever?
And whenever, whenever?


How can the everlasting become lasting,
And how can infinity lose its value.


The clock ticks,
It tocks,
It chimes and somehow,
By some mystical power,
Forever seeps like tie-dye into a vat of molding clay,
Like melted crayons,
Only to harden and become an unrecognizable mass.


To redo what’s been done to forever is now unthinkable.
It is impossible and unattainable to return to the whenever you had moments ago.


Because moments were not moments but only seem so to the hazy eye.
Moments were more like days and months and years,
Years of haze and fog scattered by periodic sunlight,
Subsequently swept away by violent monsoon winds.


Moments have become irreparable,
They’ve always been irreparable.


Forever is not the forever you’ve once known,
And whenever is now something unfamiliar.


These terms are unknown,
Spoken as from a dialect never introduced to your young ears,
The implications that are imposed are not those you have made,
These words have no correlation to you.


They are apart,
And you are apart,
And you two depart because business between each other there is not.


Goodbye alien words,
With meanings that to decipher without knowledge of in the first place is clearly unfeasible,
Farewell hooded figures,
A sense of deja vu resides only for an instant until the mist envelopes your silhouette.

Love's Consequence.

The vibrant blooom,
The sky above,
Is all you note when you're in love.

But when you miss the gaping crack,
You'll bump your head and break your back,

And then it's all hell that's loose,
Because your walking like a goose,

And all that's heard is cackling laughter,
Always trailing seconds after.



Now what follows is even worse,
Cause makeup homework is just a curse,

So essentially, what you've really done,
Is made a mess that's just begun,

For you see, after all of this has passed,
You must still endure the itchy cast.



So after many months in your idle state,
You'll think "I'm ready for a romantic date",

So you'll pick out a cute ensemble,
and excitement through your body will rumble.



But sure enough a bother will arise,
More formidable than you may surmise,

Because if you haven't looked in the mirror just yet,
You won't realize your now the lumpiest girl you've ever met,

And when your long awaited Date's here,
He'll look you up, down and around and sneer,

And you realize you've left your dress hiked up in the back,
Moreover you resemble an irregular burlap sack.



You'll blush and you'll giggle in attempt to hide the shame,
but wow wasn't that incredibly lame,

So all in all it's been a miserable time,
By female-law it would be considered a crime.

You're sick and your tired of all this rubbish
And I'm so annoyed myself i can't think of a good rhymebbish.



In conclusion here's what i say,
I wish this lesson will not cause you dismay.

With final words i wish you luck,
Please don't be like me, don't be a shmuck.

Childhood complications.

" You owe me 60 cents!"

*Older sister looks back and grins*

"Dad, she owes me 60 cents i swear. Give me my 60 cents"

*Sister keeps walking*

"You better give me my 60 cents"



Poor little kiddo, hang in there, we've all been through it.